This past year has been the hardest year of my life. Things I never thought I’d have to face, circumstances I never thought I’d be in, hurts and pain I never want to experience again.
It broke me. It took every ounce of faith I had and drained me of it. I went down a dark pit, looking for an escape in the wrong places. One question I kept asking myself, unsure of the answer, was this, “when is it time to think about what I want?”
Seems innocent enough. We should consider our own wants and desires to a certain extent. But what I have realized is that the question itself was the start of my downfall. Let me explain.
As a believer, we are told in Scripture that the only way to live is to die to yourself.
Matthew 16:24-25 “Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.”
But what does that really mean? One of my biggest gripes with a lot of teaching is that people say things without actually explaining how that looks practically. So what does dying to yourself look like?
Well, it means that we have to be willing to surrender our thoughts, desires, ambitions, wants, hopes, dreams, goals, our emotions, our everything to Him. Why? Because we trust that He is good. We trust that He is faithful and he blesses those who put their trust in Him.
When you know you are safe you are more willing to take risks. Trust exercises are designed to get you to trust someone so much that you will blindly fall backwards, risking injury because you have confidence that someone is going to protect you and catch you. Jesus is so much more trustworthy than that.
That’s why Paul can say in Galatians 2:20 “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”
It’s easy to die to yourself when you can trust that Jesus has better plans for you than you could ever have for yourself.
But back to my downfall. My innocent sounding question of when do I think about me, was rooted in pride and resentment. The real question I needed to ask was this, “God, what would you have me do in this situation?”
Notice the shift? Instead of focusing on me, I shifted my perspective and focused on Him. Why? Because I may not always see clearly. My vision can be clouded by pain, hurt, resentment, frustration, confusion, and any number of things. But God, God sees it all and he knows the end from the beginning.
Isaiah 55:9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
We are so limited in our understanding of God. We forget that we can’t see things as clearly as He does. We can't see the full picture and we struggle to understand the purpose of our dark seasons, but God is always there and he's always faithful.
1st Corinthians 13:12 "For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully, just as I also have been fully known."
Paul describes here the limited capacity of our understanding. It's like looking at a reflection through a dimly lit mirror. You can see, but not clearly.
Some Scholars suggest that he had in mind Corinth's famous bronze mirrors, known for their imperfect reflections. It's not until we are face to face with God that we will fully understand everything that is going on right now.
So I had to learn that focusing on me and my wants in this season of struggle and shame that I was actually playing into the hand of my enemy. I was letting my emotions and my feelings guide me and relying on a broken heart to steer me in the right direction.
So if I can encourage anyone who may be walking through a season of grief, pain, loss, shame, sin, struggle, or just life. In these moments the temptation arises for us to look for distractions, to look for escapes because the feelings are just too strong.
We may find ourselves struggling in our faith. But that’s ok. Don’t let the enemy deceive you into thinking you know better. You can’t see clearly right now. Here’s three things that can help you make it through your dark season without losing faith.
1) Don’t go through this season alone.
I was raised in a movement that emphasized church attendance but the reasoning for it was flawed. We don’t need church to hear the preaching or to experience His presence. Most of us have heard enough preaching to save many people and we experience God outside of the church all the time.
Those things are great! But not why we need community. We need the church because we can’t survive without accountability and community. Those times where I was lost and alone, when I didn’t reach out to my community, I fell. When they came into the picture they helped me put things into perspective, they listened, they prayed, they walked the journey with me. We need each other.
2) Don’t rely on yourself.
This has been the bulk of this writing but it’s important. The longer we live for God the more confident we can be in our own ability to discern right from wrong. In seasons of darkness we lose that ability and if we trust in ourselves we will fall. Put your faith and your trust in Jesus.
3) Don’t be embarrassed.
Pastor Les taught a great lesson during our Men’s night in August. He talked about living in the open. How we tend to hide our mistakes and our failures. Don’t let the fear of judgment or flat out pride keep you from being honest about your struggles. You never know, your story might be the catalyst to someone else having a breakthrough of their own.
If someone is walking a similar path how will they know they are not alone if we are unable to share our own struggles? I get frustrated with Christians who feel the need to pretend they don’t make those mistakes anymore. We are all humans and we have all fallen. Don’t get too high on yourself that you forget to be authentic. Jesus doesn’t use me because I’m perfect, he factors my failures and my frailty into his purpose for my life. Lean into that. Don’t pretend!
I'll close this blog by resharing a thought that has impacted me several times in my own seasons of darkness. Hopefully someone else can find encouragement in this as well.
John 1:4-5 NET “In him was life, and the life was the light of mankind. And the light shines on in the darkness, but the darkness has not mastered it.”
These passages are considered part of the prologue of the Gospel of John. This prologue sets up the narrative by showing that Jesus was God.
While I know the immediate context, sometimes God reminds you of things by illuminating something you’ve read many times. Today was one of those times as these passages jumped out at me.
In life we go through dark times. Circumstances change, things happen, and if we let it the darkness will consume us. We can easily fall into a pit of despair or wallow in the darkness of our circumstances.
Here the author reminds us, Jesus is the light of the world, not only that, but his light shines on in the darkness.
Think about that, HIS LIGHT SHINES ON!
You don’t understand, my life is turned upside down! His light shines on…
But everything is cloudy, I can’t even see where I’m going! His light shines on…
You don’t know what I’ve been through! Correct! But His light shines on.
The best part of this is that his light doesn’t just shine when everything is going good. The verse says His light shines on in the darkness!
In the midst of chaos, in the midst of darkness and despair, if you look you can find the light of the world. The one who desperately wants to save you, to heal you, to love you.
The passage goes on to say, darkness has not mastered it. No matter how dark it seems, no matter how chaotic your life is right now, the light is greater.
John’s prologue intentionally mirrors the creation story of Genesis 1, even here we find this same reminder!
Genesis 1:1-2 NET “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was without shape and empty, and darkness was over the surface of the watery deep, BUT THE SPIRIT OF GOD WAS MOVING over the surface of the water.
Again, chaos, darkness, emptiness, all of that was real. But the Spirit of God was moving.
So if you find yourself lost and hopeless, let this be a reminder that no matter how lost you feel, how dark your circumstances are, and no matter the chaos around you. God is for you, the light will continue to shine despite the darkness, and the Spirit of God is already moving. You just have to look for it.
Comments